that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
