btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
