Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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