how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
