Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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