I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
