sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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