Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
