Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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