He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
