Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
