I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
