Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
