By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
