Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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