I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
