Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
