He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Reggie can tackle my bush.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
