I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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