yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Randomize
