just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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