My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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