she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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