remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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