After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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