I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
They have beer where we have blood.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
