Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
