Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
FUCK WHALES
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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