Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
