I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
