one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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