jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
my phone needs a breathalizer
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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