i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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