Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
