Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
