Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
