Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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