Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
