either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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