I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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