The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Randomize
