why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
