talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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