so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Green mimosas i think yes
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
