If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
