I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
