if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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