if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
