did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Found your dick twin last night
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Randomize
