i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
