i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think people are normalizing furries
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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