I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
