dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
