We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Randomize
