I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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