She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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