I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
