fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
