Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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