YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
