I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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