She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
