Do you still have your period?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
