i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
