I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize