The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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