Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
