So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i dont even know how to be here
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
